How to Deal with Change in Life

As I sat down to write my morning reflection email, my plan was to write about How to Exercise in Pain. And as I was writing, my heart kept yearning for a different topic, My child leaves in a few months for college, how do I deal with my emotions? In fact, I will finish my message about Exercise and Pain in the next two days so keep an eye out.

 Today, I want to ask us; How do we deal with emotions when life circumstances change and there is nothing we can do about that. Some of us must say, "sure, there is something we can do." I agree. But what is it?

As I asked myself this question, I looked inward to reflect on how I am dealing with my child leaving the nest. Though I have never dealt with this situation before, I have experienced similar circumstances that produced similar emotions and bodily response, I might have been here before. 

Let me walk myself and you through a 5-step process of How to Deal with Emotions when Life Changes.

Step 1. Accept it. Acknowledge it. It is what it is. Life is Change. Change is Life. It is not up to me, so I let it be.

In general,  life circumstances are not something that are up to us to change.  What we do about it IS up to us.

Step 2. Be grateful it. I am going to make a list of everything I can think of:

• I am grateful For my child to have had the experienced her being born
• I am grateful I was able to take her to singing lessons. Her first ones were in Russian. Up to this day, she sings and competes.
• I am thankful she took her own responsibility of academics and pushed through 4 years of tough IB times. Now she is so ahead for college. 
• I am thankful we can fully communicate in Russian, my native tongue.  In fact, every greeting card she ever wrote for me has been in Russian. ❤️
• I am thankful that a long time ago, she was about 5, I took her and her little sister to aPlanetarium (in St. Petersburg,  Russia). She has been loving space since then. Today she is committing to study geoscience and space.
• I am thankful for her ability to express how she feels and authenticity communicate.
• I am thankful she has grown to be an independent thinker and doer. She knows who she is and what she wants. 

Gratitude is like a currency we can multiply. And it is up to us. 

Let's be grateful for experiences (good, bad, all that have shaped and we know ourselves to be). let's be grateful for wins (no matter how small or big they are).

Gratitude is the key to happiness.

Step 3. Name the struggle. Name the fear. What is the challenge? No need to rush through this step. It may take a while to own it.

I have done a little bit of reflection and I know, in my case, it's is 1. a fear of being alone, 2. I am a mom and if kids are gone, who am I then?

This step is identity work. One of the ways to handle it is Step 4.

Step 4. "What if.." game. Underneath the foundation is to find your big Why. Here it goes:

"What if I had never had kids, what would I be doing?" 

"What if I had always been alone?"

My brain wants to refuse to cooperate, but it is a game so let's imagine. 

In my case, "What if I had never had kids, what would I be doing?" At the age of 17th, I had my first job. I starred working with kids as an educational psychologist. Here is my recent post about it. And thus week I am taking on helping children of St. Jude's Research Hospital.  So please help me raise $1,444 for my 44th birthday.  

See I made this not about me. I made this about my passion. 

What if I had never had kids, what would I be doing?" 

I think I would say, I would find people around me to feed my soul, to share my soul, to feel our lives matter. 

I think this is what I am actually doing now as my career. I found the passion to help others build strength and balance in health and life and it feeds my strength and balance. 

Thank you readers and my members who have been jumping on the train of wellness journey with me. The world needs strength and health. 

See, again I made it not about me. 

To summarize this step, let's find our Why that makes us cry. The Why that gets us from the bed, whether we want it or not. Because we know we have a mission!

Step 5. Just do it! 🎬  As Mel Robbins, the Author of the Five Second Rule book, says, "the moment you catch yourself thinking "Now is the time, you have the 5 second window". Count backwards 5-4-3-2-1 and physically move. If you don't,  your brain will talk you out of it. 

"Don't like your emotions,  change your motions", says Tony Robbins.

Friends, life is change. Change is life.

When life changes along with our thoughts about it that may feel untolerable, let's practice these 5 steps: accept, be grateful, name the struggle, have your Why, and just do it.

I wish us all strength and happiness. 

If you need help or would like help walking through the steps on a private call, schedule a free discovery call with me OR join my upcoming FREE webinar "Three Pillars of Health - from Pain to Power".