In a distant memory,
I see a five-year-old little girl sitting in a dark corner. She has her arms wrapped around her legs and her head is hiding between the circle of her arms and knees. She feels scared. She does not even know for sure why. But what she does know for sure, is if she keeps sitting like this—quiet, silent—no one will either hear her or see her. And that means she is safe.
Twenty-five years later, she finds herself in a different country. She is a young mom with two beautiful daughters. She is married and living in a beautiful house. Everything looks perfect on the outside. But on the inside, she feels sick and tired and worn, and sitting in the same position hugging her knees. Except now she is at her favorite spot, looking straight across a peaceful lake and questioning her ‘silent’ life, questioning her worth.
“Why is my business not breaking through, why am I feeling drained in my marriage, why am I feeling useless and worthless? I know I am good enough but why am I not feeling like that? I do see that my silence has brought me to where I am, but because I wanted to stay quiet and invisible, did I allow others to determine my direction? Am I in a flow that is mine? Am I even on the right boat, flowing in the direction that I want?”
In that moment, with tears in her eyes she can hardly see through, she suddenly hears a strong powerful voice: “You are where you are supposed to be. Now, move the flow in YOUR direction.”
As the voice continues to speak, she feels a light ball of newfound hope inside her chest creating a space in her body that she hasn’t felt before. A relief! A release of weight of other people’s expectations and opinions she allowed to be, and weight that she has carried for so many years. She finally accepts the voice, filling her with the truth she does not have to be according to anyone’s expectations but her own truth and all that is love.
That voice had been sitting inside her being, covered by her own self all that time, and finally, this moment, she heard it. “Keep that light and nurture that light. Let it shine and expand to lead your way.”
In that quiet moment of silence, she found her voice. She found her calling. The details were not too clear, but what was clear to her was the need to keep listening to that voice and honoring her body by allowing her body to be able to hear that voice.
That meant she needed to take care of herself first. She needed to honor her body. She needed to create her own self-care routine. She knew that routine was the non-negotiable foundation to keep hearing her voice. That voice was the guide to lead her to what she really was meant to be in this world. In that voice, she had found her Power.
She stood up from her favorite spot, feeling scared and excited, but also confident of her knowing of her newfound freedom (a new feeling to her) that this was it, that there was nothing else that was more important, that was more essential. So, she could truly, fully, finally, live....
- Nadya Nemova-Tatsch, A Little Girl's Journey, "My Power Journal"
The reason I'm sharing this story with you is to let you know you're not alone.
It took me decades of searching to find that taking care of myself is the most important, essential, and non-negotiable thing I can do to be fully alive in the world.
I've shared my own story in "My Power Journal," and I know these desires run deep. We all want to live fully, be healthy for life, and set a positive example for those we love.
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