The Paradox of Change: Why We Want It So Badly Yet Resist It Fiercely 🤔

Ever feel like you're stuck in a rut, even when you know exactly how to get out? We all have those moments – wanting to eat healthier 🥗, exercise more 💪, pick up that new skill. We know it's good for us, logically. Yet, the couch seems comfier 🛋️, the takeout menu more appealing 🍕, and that new skill… well, tomorrow, right?

In light of our recent comfort food conversation [Access the Replay in the Member Center, Not a member? Join the membership and listen to this and other wellness trainings.], this push-and-pull, this desire for change battling against a surprising resistance, is what we can call the "paradox of change."

And today, I am on a spree of really digging deep into the subject of all the whys and reasons. Why is it that we so often trip ourselves up on the path to becoming who we want to be?

It's not a simple case of lacking willpower. Instead, it's a fascinating interplay of how our minds are wired, the comfort we find in the familiar, and even some deeply ingrained human tendencies. Let's explore some of the key reasons why this paradox exists, drawing on what the experts in psychology and behavioral science have discovered.

One powerful factor at play is what's known as the status quo bias.

Think of it as our inherent preference for things to stay as they are. As researchers Kahneman, Knetsch, and Thaler highlighted in their influential work (1991), we tend to value what we already possess and feel the potential loss of our current comfort more acutely than the potential gain of something new. So, even if a healthier lifestyle promises long-term benefits, the immediate 'loss' of our favorite indulgences can feel more significant.

Then there's the sheer comfort of our habits.

Our brains love efficiency, and once a behavior becomes a habit, it runs on autopilot, requiring minimal conscious effort. As Charles Duhigg explains in 'The Power of Habit' (2012), these routines are deeply ingrained neurological loops. Breaking free from them demands deliberate effort, and our brains, naturally inclined towards conserving energy, can push back against this extra work. Neuroscience research, like the work of Yin and Knowlton (2006), further illuminates the brain regions involved in habit formation and why they become so resistant to change.

Fear also plays a significant role.

The path of change is often uncertain, and we might subconsciously worry about failing to stick with new routines or not seeing the results we hope for. While directly quantifying the 'fear of failure' in this context can be tricky, research on anxiety and avoidance behaviors strongly suggests that this apprehension can prevent us from even starting, or lead us to give up prematurely. Think about how avoiding the discomfort of exercise can feel easier in the moment, even if it hinders our long-term fitness goals (Craske et al., 2006).

But wait! There is more!

We often fall into the trap of immediate gratification.

That sugary treat 🍪 or an evening of effortless scrolling offers instant pleasure, while the rewards of healthier eating or regular exercise are often delayed. This is particularly evident when we consider the role of comfort foods. As we recently explored in our discussion on the four stages of comfort foods, the immediate consumption often aligns directly with step four of the habit loop: reward. This stage is all about pleasure and reinforcement, creating a powerful link between the food and a positive feeling. This immediate hit of dopamine or emotional soothing makes it incredibly tempting, and this short-term satisfaction can easily overshadow the more distant benefits of nutritious choices. This is where the concept of 'delay discounting,' explored by Frederick, Loewenstein, and O'Donoghue (2002), comes into play. We tend to value immediate rewards much more than future ones, making it challenging to prioritize long-term well-being over short-term satisfaction provided by those immediate comfort food rewards.

Our own internal consistency also matters.

Often we believe we should be healthy but consistently engage in unhealthy behaviors, it creates a mental conflict known as cognitive dissonance. As Leon Festinger (1957) theorized, one way to resolve this discomfort is to adjust our beliefs to align with our actions – perhaps by downplaying the importance of healthy eating. This mental maneuvering can undermine our initial desire for change.

Finally, our belief in our own ability to succeed, or self-efficacy, is crucial.

If we lack confidence in our capacity to stick to a new plan, we're less likely to even try or persevere through challenges. Albert Bandura's seminal work (1977) emphasized the powerful influence of self-efficacy on behavior change. Past experiences of failed attempts can unfortunately chip away at this crucial belief.

It's also worth noting that our habits are often intertwined with our emotions and social lives.

Comfort food can be associated with positive memories or used as a coping mechanism for stress. In fact, as we discussed recently, understanding the underlying 'why' is often the very first step in uncovering our comfort food patterns. These patterns frequently have deep roots in our childhood memories, where certain foods became connected with feelings of comfort, pleasure, and relaxation 😊. Sedentary activities might similarly be linked to relaxation or social connection.

Changing these behaviors can feel like losing more than just a habit; it can feel like disconnecting from cherished memories and emotional anchors.

Research in emotional regulation and the psychology of comfort food supports this. For example, Gross (1998) discusses how emotions influence behavior and how we use various strategies (including potentially unhealthy habits) to regulate our emotional states.

So, the next time you find yourself wanting to change but struggling to take those first consistent steps, remember that you're not alone. This "paradox of change" is a fundamental aspect of the human experience, rooted in how our brains and minds function.

Understanding these underlying reasons, backed by research, empowers us to approach change with more awareness and develop strategies that truly work with, rather than against, our natural tendencies. Navigating this complex terrain is where the guidance of a transformational coach can be invaluable. Working specifically in the realm of habit change, a coach provides personalized support, accountability, and proven strategies to help you break through resistance and create lasting positive shifts.

If you're finding yourself consistently struggling with change, feeling stuck, and yearning for a breakthrough ✨, I invite you to schedule a conversation with me to explore how we can work together to unlock your potential for transformation.

References:

• Bandura, A. (1977). Self-efficacy: Toward a unifying theory of behavioral change. Psychological Review, 84(2), 191-215. 
• Craske, M. G., Antony, M. M., & Barlow, D. H. (2006). Mastery of your anxiety and panic: Workbook (4th ed.). Oxford University Press.
• Duhigg, C. (2012). The power of habit: Why we do what we do in life and business. Random House.
• Festinger, L. (1957). A theory of cognitive dissonance. Stanford University Press.
• Frederick, S., Loewenstein, G., & O'Donoghue, T. (2002). Time discounting and time preference: A critical review. Journal of Economic Literature, 40(2),  351-401.
• Gross, J. J. (1998). Antecedent-and response-focused emotion regulation: Divergent consequences for experience, expression, and physiology. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology,  74(1), 224-237.
• Kahneman, D., Knetsch, J. L., & Thaler, R. H. (1991). Anomalies: The endowment effect, loss aversion, and status quo bias. Journal of Economic Perspectives, 5(1),  193-206.   

• Samuelson, W., & Zeckhauser, R. (1988). Status quo bias in decision making. Journal of Risk and Uncertainty,  1(1), 7-59. 
• Yin, H. H., & Knowlton, B. J. (2006). The role of the basal ganglia in habit formation. Nature Reviews Neuroscience, 7(6), 464-476.